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02-06-2011, 01:05 PM
(This post was last modified: 02-06-2011, 01:09 PM by MaggieMoo.)
Ok Peter, they were both very very funny... The last was the funniest dumb blonde joke I have heard in a while. Hahaha.
Ok.... Um... Let me see. What about these dumb men jokes.
[size="2"]I think my wife is selling drugs! Yesterday I was running a little bit late for work and the phone rang. I answered it. Before I could say anything a male voice on the line said, Hey honey is that DOPE gone yet?
A man walks into a bar and finds a Genie in a lamp. The Genie will only grant him one wish. The man wishes to be a million times smarter than any man on earth. *POOF* the Genie turns him into a woman!
why do men have slits in their underware? so they can get oxygen to their brains.
Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a non-lazy man (who helps out around the house), and a lazy man are about to jump off a bridge into water. Who makes the biggest splash?
The lazy man. The other 3 don't exist.
[size="1"]
[size="1"][/size]
[/size][size="2"]I'm sorry dear all these nasty men jokes... Do you hate me? .......... Good! Hahahaha.
<img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/LMAO.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':LMAO:' /> <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/LMAO.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':LMAO:' /> <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/LMAO.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':LMAO:' /> [/size][/size]
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Oh Peter, two fabulous jokes. I loved them.
Don't know if you know these two....
I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately
needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my
gas with the beat of the music.
After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee,
and noticed that everybody was staring at me....
Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.
During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the following password:
MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofy
When asked why such a big password, she said that it had to be at least 8 characters long.
Ciao for now.
"He who has not experienced, need not judge" One of my own.
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Hi MaggieMooMs. Terror of the joke threads. Ha! You'd know!
Well thanks for those two jokes, sometimes I think we are singing from the same hymn sheet. Hahaha. Yes sir.
Strange you should mention about using the Ipod at a restaurant.
Well I was at the Red Devil Café yesterday with a hot hot chick.
Well she did the same thing, then when everyone was looking at us she simply pointed at me!
Blondes and hot hot chicks think they can get away with anything.
And she did she left me with the bill! You probably couldn't afford her... Hahaha.
Anyway she was the same one who had the 8 characters.
Her characters were the 7 dwarfs and Snow White. Hahaha. You crack me up sir.
<img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/LMAO.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':LMAO:' /> <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/LMAO.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':LMAO:' /> <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/LMAO.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':LMAO:' />
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Oh Peter, I liked the jokes a lot, except for the first one. Hee hee
Here are a few shorties, from a shorty... Hee hee.
...
Innkeeper: The room is $15. a night. It's $5. if you make your own bed.
Guest: I'll make my own bed.
Innkeeper: Good. I'll get you some nails and wood.
...
"Waiter! This coffee tastes like mud." "Yes sir, it's fresh ground."
...
A reporter was interviewing a 104 year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" She simply replied, "No peer pressure."
[left]...[/left]
[left]A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world" The woman says, "I'll miss you."[/left]
[left]Catch ya.[/left]
[left]<img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=' ' />[/left]
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Ok sir, I was in fits laughing with these ones. Thanks sir.
Ok here take a few of these....
ANSWER IRON
A guy walks into work, and both of his ears are all bandaged up. The boss says, "What happened to your ears?" He says, "Yesterday I was ironing a shirt when the phone rang and (hold iron to ear) shhh! I accidentally answered the iron." The boss says, "Well, that explains one ear, but what happened to your other ear?" He says, "Well, jeez, I had to call the doctor!"
HOLY WATER
You know how to make holy water? You take some regular water and you boil the hell out of it.
AIRPORT
Do you know how you can tell the really stupid guy at the airport? He's the one throwing bread to the planes.
Ciao for now.
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13-06-2011, 11:18 PM
(This post was last modified: 13-06-2011, 11:21 PM by MaggieMoo.)
Hi Peter, I thought you might enjoy stirring me and my background... Hee hee.
Here enjoy.....
[size="3"][b]You know you're Italian when...[/size][/b]
⢠You can bench press 325 pounds, shave twice a day and still cry when your mother yells at you.
You carry your lunch in a produce bag because you can't fit two cappicola sandwiches, 4 oranges, 2 bananas and pizzelles into a regular lunch bag.
Your mechanic, plumber, electrician, accountant, travel agent and lawyer are all your cousins
You have at least 5 cousins living in the same town or street. All five of those cousins are named after your grandfather or grandmother.
You are on a first name basis with at least 8 banquet hall owners.
You only get one good shave from a disposable razor.
If someone in your family grows beyond 5'9", it is presumed his Mother had an affair.
There are more than 28 people in your bridal party.
You netted more than $50,000 on your first communion.
And you REALLY, REALLY know you're Italian when:
Your grandfather had a fig tree.
You eat Sunday dinner at 2:00.
Christmas Eve . . . only fish.
Your mom's meatballs are the best.
You've been hit with a wooden spoon or had a shoe thrown at you.
Plastic on the furniture is normal.
You know how to pronounce "manicotti" and "mozzarella."
You fight over whether it's called "sauce" or "gravy."
You've called someone a "mamaluke."
And you understand "bada bing"
[size="2"]Hope these mad you smile sir.
Ciao signore.
Bada bing! [/size]
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ha ha .. nice jokes...
did you hear this one. - about the economic crisis..
what's the difference between a london banker and a pigeon..?
The pigeon can still put a deposit down on an expensive car.!
Best Regards,
From Jenny C
[url="http://www.melbournewebguide.com.au/"]Search everything in Melbourne HERE![/url]
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16-06-2011, 10:00 AM
(This post was last modified: 16-06-2011, 10:01 AM by MaggieMoo.)
[quote name='Jenny C' timestamp='1308057008' post='34041']
ha ha .. nice jokes...
did you hear this one. - about the economic crisis..
what's the difference between a london banker and a pigeon..?
The pigeon can still put a deposit down on an expensive car.!
[/quote]
HI Jenny and welcome to the Melb Chat. <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=' ' />
Loved that joke... Hahaha
Oh and hi Mr PeterJ.
HOpe you are fine fit and well this morning. Here are a couple that should burst your bubbles... Hee hee.
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when
a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked!
As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat,
"Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"...................
A psychiatric patient told me that a new study shows that licking a frog can cure depression.
He then said "The problem is that when you stop the frog gets depressed again." .........
Ciao for now friends.
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17-06-2011, 09:16 AM
(This post was last modified: 17-06-2011, 09:25 AM by MaggieMoo.)
HI Peter and Jenny,
I loved the blonde joke... Hahah, my favourite for a while. Ok, all these blonde jokes, I don't think us brunettes have enough for us, so here goes...
What do you do if a brunette throws a pin at you?
Run like heck - she's got a grenade in her mouth!
Why did the brunette get thrown out of the M & M factory?
She kept throwing out all the W's
How can you tell if a brunette's been using the computer?
There's white-out on the screen
Hahaha... What do you think Peter and Jenny?
Cia for now.
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Hi all,
Errr
Why did the brunette get thrown out of the M & M factory?
She kept throwing out all the W's
Mooie I know I'm dumb so please explain! M & M... Turn them upside down.... Der!!! W & W.... Der!
The others are good Maggie.
Hahaha... What do you think Peter and Jenny?
Yeah! Peter and Jenny sounds good to me.
Better than Peter and MaggieMoo. You could never match up to Miss Moo. Hahaha!
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[quote name='MaggieMoo' timestamp='1307951165' post='34012']
HOLY WATER
You know how to make holy water? You take some regular water and you boil the hell out of it.
[/quote]
thanks maggie! i liked that one <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=' ' />
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nice work peter! I like the "get your own blanket" joke.
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27-08-2011, 09:36 PM
(This post was last modified: 27-08-2011, 09:37 PM by MaggieMoo.)
Hi Glen and Peter,
I've been away, for like, forever and a day... Hahaha. I have been on holidays... Basking in the sun, dreaming of being served by handsome Spaniard hunks... Only problem with that dream was; I didn't got to Spain. Hahaha.
Anyway am back and my jokes are as hot as ever. <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=' ' />
I was in the public toilets and had just sat down, a voice from the next cubicle said "Hi !, how are you ?" Embarrassed, I said, "I'm doing fine". The voice said "So what are you up to ?". I said, "Just doing the same as you, sitting here !". From next door, "Can I come over?". Annoyed, I said " rather busy right now". The voice said, "Listen, i will have to call you back, there's some loser next door answering all my questions
and
Wife: Where the hell are you?
Husband: You know that jewellery shop, where you found that necklace you fell in love with?
Wife: Omg, yes! â¥
Husband: Yeah, I'm in the pub next door.
hahahaha
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Mr Peter, I could have been a cross between a clown or a bimbo in a two piece skimpy bathing suit... And I still would not have been noticed. Life is too busy overseas. Hahaha. London is one busy city. <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=' ' />
Waiting for a you to post jokes sir. You are the king of jokes... <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/im Not Worthy.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':notworthy:' /> <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/im Not Worthy.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':notworthy:' /> <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/im Not Worthy.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':notworthy:' />
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Hi Peter,
I shouldn't laugh at these jokes, but they are funny... Haahahahaha
<img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=' ' /> Keep them coming.. xoxoxo
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Hahaha... I know, I love them, especially in an office situation. Love when all the women get offended and I break out in fits of laughter. Comes from being raised by a man I think. Hahaha.
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Yes sir... Have his dvd's at home. I keep buying them. I like playing them when one of my sisters comes around, she hates that humour. Hhaha. I'm so naughty. Hahaha
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Hahaha...
What about this one...
I got out of the shower, dried myself, and walked into the bedroom naked. My girlfriend of ten years was sat on the edge of the bed. I got down on one knee, looked up to her and said, "I've got a special question I'd like to ask you."She got very excited and said, "Oh my god! I'd given up hope of you ever asking! Ok, go on..."I took a deep breath, and said, "Do I look like the Terminator when he first arrives from the future?"
Hahaha...
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Hahaha... And they crack me up. What about this one...
My wife stepped out of the changing room in a black and white stripped dress. She said, "What do you think?"
I said, "You look like a zebra crossing after an earthquake."
Hahaha....
"He who has not experienced, need not judge" One of my own.
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Hahaha. Keep them coming dude!
Here's one of a different note.
Dear Maths,
I'm sick and tired of finding your 'x'. She left you mate, get over it, and some schoolchildren aren't going to help you. Get back to your life.
Hahaha.
"He who has not experienced, need not judge" One of my own.
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