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+---- Thread: I'm Still Stealing Jokes. (/thread-1296.html)
I'm Still Stealing Jokes. - Guest - 31-05-2010
[left]38 Politically Correct ways to say someone is stupid[/left]
[left]1. A few clowns short of a circus.
2. A few fries short of a Happy Meal.
3. An experiment in Artificial Stupidity.
4. A few beers short of a six-pack.
5. Dumber than a box of hair.
6. A few peas short of a casserole.
7. Doesn't have all her Corn Flakes in one box.
8. The wheel's spinning, but the hamster's dead.
9. One Fruit Loop shy of a full bowl.
10. One taco short of a combination platter.
11. A few feathers short of a whole duck.
12. All foam, no beer.
13. The cheese slid off her cracker.
14. Body by Fisher, brains by Mattel.
15. Has an IQ of 2, but it takes 3 to grunt.
16. Warning: Objects in mirror are dumber than they appear.
17. Couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel.
18. He fell out of the Stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.[/left]
[left]19. An intellect rivaled only by garden tools.
20. As smart as bait.
21. Chimney's clogged.
22. Doesn't have all his dogs on one leash.
23. Doesn't know much, but leads the league in nostril hair.
24. Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor.
25. Forgot to pay her brain bill.
26. Her sewing machine's out of thread.
27. His antenna doesn't pick up all the channels.[/left]
[left]28. His belt doesn't go through all the loops.
29. If she had another brain, it would be lonely.
30. Missing a few buttons on his remote control.
31. No grain in the silo.
32. Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.
33. Receiver is off the hook.
34. Several nuts short of a full pouch.
35. Skylight leaks a little.
36. Slinky's kinked.
37. Surfing in Nebraska.
38. Too much yardage between the goal posts.[/left]
[left]REASONS FOR LEAVING THE LAST JOB:
- Responsibility makes me nervous.
- They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. Couldn't work under those conditions.
- Was met with a string of broken promises and lies, as well as cockroaches.
- I was working for my mom until she decided to move.
- The company made me a scapegoat - just like my three previous employers.
[/left]
[left]SPECIAL REQUESTS & JOB OBJECTIVES:
- Please call me after 5:30 because I am self-employed and my employer does not know I am looking for another job.
- My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I have no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.
- I procrastinate - especially when the task is unpleasant.[/left]
An elderly couple were having dinner at another couple's house and after their meal, the wives left the table to go to the kitchen.
The two elderly gents were talking, and one says: "Last night we went out to a fabulous new restaurant .I'd highly recommend."
The other man says: "What's the name of the restaurant?"
The first man thinks long and hard with a furrowed brow, finally saying: "Ah, what is the name of that red flower you give to someone you love?"
His friend replies: "A carnation?" "No, no. The other one," the man says.
His friend suggest "The poppy?"
"No, no, no" growls the man.
"You know - the one that is red and has thorns."
His friend says: "Do you mean a rose?"
"Yes! Thank you!" the first man says. He then turns toward the kitchen and yells: "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?""
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I'm Still Stealing Jokes. - glen - 01-06-2010
hahaha i like the last one about "rose".
I'm Still Stealing Jokes. - glen - 01-06-2010
pretty good one! i give it 7 out of 10.
I'm Still Stealing Jokes. - glen - 02-06-2010
Yes I should be more encouraging! I will try!!!
Thanks for that very helpful and presidential advice!!!
I'm Still Stealing Jokes. - iblis.raeb - 02-06-2010
[quote name='PeterJMelb' post='27174' date='Jun 2 2010, 02:13 PM']Anyway don't you know it is politically incorrect to grade people directly?[/quote]
:-)
I'm Still Stealing Jokes. - POWERZONE - 02-06-2010
My boss told me he's going to watch his wedding video in reverse...
He likes the part where his wife takes her ring off, walks down the aisle backwards, gets in the car and speeds off <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/Whistle.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt='
' />
I'm Still Stealing Jokes. - glen - 03-06-2010
Well there may be a market for divorce parties!!!
I'm Still Stealing Jokes. - glen - 04-06-2010
That is funny!! Nice one! <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/thumbsup2.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt='
' />
I'm Still Stealing Jokes. - glen - 05-06-2010
Nice one Peter! I am sure the man in the forest would be correct!!
I'm Still Stealing Jokes. - glen - 05-06-2010
hahaha nice one!!!
I'm Still Stealing Jokes. - glen - 11-06-2010
nice one!!! <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt='
' />
I'm Still Stealing Jokes. - iblis.raeb - 26-08-2010
meh.
I'm Still Stealing Jokes. - iblis.raeb - 26-08-2010
[quote name='PeterJMelb' timestamp='1282782337' post='29256']
Hello Iblis.
I give up. What does meh stand for?
Does it mean a kind of ambivalence?
[/quote]
A little more like indifference. I was not impressed by the previous joke, unusual for your regular caliber , Peter. :-)
I'm Still Stealing Jokes. - glen - 27-08-2010
not too bad!
I'm Still Stealing Jokes. - MaggieMoo - 20-03-2011
Oh my Peter, I was in fits after reading this one. Thanks sir.
I'm Still Stealing Jokes. - MaggieMoo - 22-03-2011
Good call... <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/officechair.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':officechair:' />
I'm Still Stealing Jokes. - MaggieMoo - 02-04-2011
Ooops... Oh dear, I have heard that one before Peter. Are you sure we don't know each other outside of this forum... Hahahahahahaha.
Good one though. I wounder if such a thing has really happened? Hmmm!
I'm Still Stealing Jokes. - MaggieMoo - 04-04-2011
Ok now sir... This one was great. I loved it. You are the champion of great jokes. Hahaha <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/im Not Worthy.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':notworthy:' />
"Little Johny jokes... Hahaha...
<img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt='
' />
I'm Still Stealing Jokes. - MaggieMoo - 04-04-2011
<img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/rolleyes.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt='
' /> Um-ma... 'Dis won, vewi wood...But she got the point across alright. Well he did ask for it. <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/rolleyes.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt='
' /> I'm Still Stealing Jokes. - MaggieMoo - 04-04-2011
You guys don't know how lucky you are Peter... Us chickie-babes... Think too much and wonder why we are so messed in the head... hahahaha <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/Talking Ear Off.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':Talking:' />