I'm Still Stealing Jokes.

[MaggieMoo]

Hey junior, it's the man muncher. Hahaha. Not really I am a whimp, I don't have the courage to chase men... And anyway, what would hubby think? Really Junior, you are very cheeky. <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt='' />



OK make it $5 a bedroom and the two coffee breaks and you got a deal mate! <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/Peace.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt='eace:' /> Just give me a starting date. I thought you had already started, um, that's not you in the bedroom at the moment... Oops, er, who is that? Hee hee



You know what I think Peter... I think you like all this me <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/pacman.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':pacman:' /> <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/pacman.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':pacman:' /> you game... How's about you doing some <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/pacman.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':pacman:' /> for a change... Hahaha... Can't catch me. <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/rundog.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':rundog:' />



Any way Moo <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/Rose.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':Rose:' /> join me in <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/piwo.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':beer:' /> Don't mind if I do... Cheers to you, oh and thanks for the odd rose here and there, I am a rose fanatic. <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt='' /><img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/Batting Eyelashes.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':Bat:' />

[MaggieMoo]

Hey again,



What! Someone else is cleaning your house! S*** I'm in the wrong place! What is your address? Where? I live on the other side of the rainbow sir... If you can get there (aside from doing all the housework) then the pot of gold is yours.



Remember Moo it's still halftime . . . Eeek, we have another half to go... I'm in trouble now. <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/mellow.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':mellow:' />



What about your hubbie! If I chase you he will not get tired and thus be able to spend more time watching telly of course? Hey how did you know he loves telly... (A mind reader <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/huh.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt='' /> )



Drink up! <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/piwo.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':beer:' /> Sip, sip... mmhmm

Thanks. <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt='' />

[MaggieMoo]

A rainbow dweller!

Such a lovely place.

Do you know I pass by there on every visit I make back to Planet Janet!

I just may possibly might just make a diversion. <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/tongue.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt='' /> A diversion ha? That I want to see. <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/officechair.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':officechair:' />



Husbands! Of course I know! Did you forget I happen to be one! Here is my likeness. <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/Monkey.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':Monkey:' /> Oh dear I thought you looked familiar... Golly what a likeness.



Ah now remember the second half is when the tough get tougher. <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/ras.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':ras:' />

I'm ready for combat, I just polished my nice shiny walker, and stuck in some new batteries.

(No stupid not in the walker, in my pacemaker. Doh! Some women are stupid!) Be careful Peter, you could be wearing your zimmer frame around your neck



I fear I shall loose this war of the sexes, I just don't have the stamina these days. <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/wow.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':wow' /> Alright, I'll let you win this one. But only because you have been on the forum longer. But not because I like you or anything... I mean, er, ar... Ok, I like you to, but what ever you do, don't tell anybody... You know favouritism and all that jive. Hee hee.



I like coffee with and two please!



Peace mate. <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/Rose.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':Rose:' />



Ok, one coffee coming up. (2, one for me, can I join you? Please?)



<img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/Cuppa.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':Cuppa:' /> <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/Cuppa.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':Cuppa:' />

[MaggieMoo]

Good morning to you kind sir,



Ok, that's enough groveling from me...



To answer your question about women on the front line... Well as you may have guessed it by now I am totally against the fighting... Even if it is war situation... However having said that, if one is qualified, be they animal, mineral or vegetable... Well you know what I mean, man, woman or animal... If they have had the extensive training and are physically and mentally well - and they have joined the army... etc... Then they should be able to fight on the frontline. But not until all the criteria is met. Personally I am against all forms of fighting. So I guess I am not really one who should be answering this question at all.



Hey Moo, how can you say you like me? You disagree with just about everything I propose. <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/wacky.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':wacky:' />

So if you do like me you better just whisper so Glen does not hear.

Alright, alright propose something right now and I will agree, ar, er, maybe. Depending on whether it is ethical or not... Oh and no fighting... Um, er... What do you propose?



My turn to serve the coffee.

How do you have it? Sugar? Milk? Or dead black Italiano!

<img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/Cuppa.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':Cuppa:' /> Yours <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/Cuppa.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':Cuppa:' /> Mine.

If it is instant, then white with one... If it is expresso then back with 1 and a half, thank you.



Hey what about Al Bundy in Married With Children? What an idol! <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/LMAO.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':LMAO:' /> (For me that is, not you.) Oh golly the shoe salesmen... When I was younger I would almost dress like his wife Peggy and shout out across the room... "Allll I need some cash, have to fix my hair." Hahaha... Can I call you Al? Hahaha

[MaggieMoo]

Hi again sir,





Nevermind. I think we need some good strong men on the front line. They have to be handsome as well. Built like Arnold and look like you. Hee hee... See, I am being nice Peter.





Well.. The fact that you made me one coffee, is good enough for me, I'm not greedy. Thanks. So how do you take yours again. My memory fades me.





Call me Al! Why not! Of course Al was always broke! He had to borrow off the son! Maggie, what was his name? Ah I think you mean Bud Bundy



What about you! If I'm gonna be Al, you gotta be Peggy. She was scrumptious! Are you scrumptious? [url="http://smileycons.com/"][/url] Or [url="http://smileycons.com/"][/url] There was a day when I looked like Peggy... Ah, those were the days. (Although I do believe she was taller.) Anyway I wore the outfits she did and did the full walk, wiggling the hips from side to side. Hee hee. Now I am scared to wiggle... Things might fall off. Hahaha





When you go off to sleep [url="http://smileycons.com/"][/url] Golly Peter, it's only 615pm here, I don't intend to sleep for hours yet. <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt='' />



Al... I need some cash!!!!

[MaggieMoo]

Kent and three of his buddies have gone fishing every Saturday for nearly forty years. One Saturday, the guys are fishing along a highway when a funeral processional drives by. Well, Kent lays down his pole, stands up in the boat, takes off his lucky hat and places it over his heart. This processional is huge and takes nearly five minutes to pass. Once it passes, Kent sits down, puts his hat on and cast out without saying a word. Needless to say his buddies are floored by his actions. One of them finally speaks up and says, that sure was a respectful thing you did there when they went by. Kent replied, it seems the least I could do seeing as how I've been married to the woman for over forty years... Hahahaha... Ok this one cracked me up... Hahahah <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/officechair.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':officechair:' /> <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/officechair.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':officechair:' />



Now Peggy I don't have a cent, so ask you son Bub Bundie! And while you are at it ask your daughter (whatsername) where she was sleeping last night!

Al, it's Bud and our girl was with oh, um... What's his name.. John, or was that Bill, or Fred, ah, never mind, just hand over the cash. Check your socks. That's where you always hide it...



Did you say it was 6.15? Yes sir, is that too late for you... Sorry didn't mean to keep you up. <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt='' />





But back then dod you do the Peggy wiggle?<img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/Whistle.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':Whistle:' />

Yes sir, I did... I would love to act like her and then after Fran Dresher in the Nanny, I was often called Fran, due the mini skirts... Hahaha

[MaggieMoo]

Oh my Peter, there's nothing like a granny joke! Hahaha.





Huh about the Nanny! Yikes I kinda only half liked it.

I remember thinking the posh bloke who she worked for was an idiot to marry her! <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/Idea.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':Idea:' />

Cosa n' pensa Cara? <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/Love.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':Love:' />



sì certo

[MaggieMoo]

I think typing at a keyboard is like that joke about Golf.

That is, golf is a good walk spoilt!

True that... I write everything down by hand first and date it, then I upload it on the computer. I mean my writing that is, not forum fun. <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt='' />



Anyway I was hoping you maybe able to tell me who sang these words:



"I'm like a one eyed cat peeping in a seafood store".

It's right up there with Shakespeare.<img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/Whistle.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':Whistle:' /> <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/Chicken.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':Chicken:' /> I had to google this one, I believe it was Mr Bill Hayley. <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt='' />

[MaggieMoo]

Hi again...



Ar, er... Shake Rattle and Roll



Hahahaha....



What is it with you and all these questions anyway... Are you testing me?<img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/Batting Eyelashes.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':Bat:' />

[MaggieMoo]

She had.... mm'mm kisses, sweeter than wine...



Hahahaha never heard of it... hahaha. No, really I have, sad how I know these songs.<img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/unsure.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':unsure:' />





Me <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/wacky.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':wacky:' /> you <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/LMAO.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':LMAO:' />

[MaggieMoo]

<img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/wacky.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':wacky:' /> "You and I" <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/LMAO.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':LMAO:' /> "We travel to the beat of . . ." "A Different Drum... Can't you see where I run everytime you make eyes at me..." Ah Dear Linda... Hahaha... Darl, there's a logical answer to why I know all the old songs and old movies. But that's a secret.... Oops not another one. Hahaha.



As for your joke... Meh, it's ok. Not as good as the others though. <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/Whistle.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':Whistle:' />

[MaggieMoo]

Hey Mooie!

Enough of this "Meh" stuff!

I sure as hell did not see anything better from you.

Here's a "Meh" in advance! I don't claim to be a comedian, just a poet... Meeeeoooowww... Hahahaha





Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah!!!

[MaggieMoo]

What is the difference between Elvis and smart blondes?

Elvis has been sighted! Hahahaha... I won't show hubby thesen jokes... He's an Elvis fanatic.



Hah Mooie, and what's the difference between Elvis and brunettes? I shudder to think.



Do tell...

[MaggieMoo]

Peter... Grrrr...

So the answer is the same!<img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/wacky.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':wacky:' /> <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/wacky.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':wacky:' /> <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/wacky.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':wacky:' />



<img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/pacman.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':pacman:' /> Me running as fast as I can. You better start running, 'cause I am after you.<img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/rundog.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':rundog:' /> <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/rundog.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':rundog:' /> <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/rundog.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':rundog:' />





Keep going Mr... <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/rundog.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':rundog:' /> <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/rundog.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':rundog:' /> <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/rundog.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':rundog:' />

[MaggieMoo]

Oh dear, I think that was funny... Vewwi woood, but vewwi farny.... Hee hee.



Oh sir, you are the genious at telling jokes. You are my "Joke Telling Hero" <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/im Not Worthy.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':notworthy:' />

[MaggieMoo]

Ha Peter,



They are not my jokes sorry to say.



I wish they were. So I'm no joke hero! Sweetie... Just claim them as yours... I don't know the different. hahaha. I must say any man who can make me laugh is in my good books.



<img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/Cuppa.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':Cuppa:' /> Yours <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/Cuppa.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':Cuppa:' /> mine.

Addesso beviamo!

Yes sir, I love to sip coffee I haven't made thanks darl.



xo

[MaggieMoo]

Ah Peter,

I'll try to get some more good jokes. [url="http://smileycons.com/"][/url] You may steal my heart, with all these jokes. Hee hee



But I don't want any more of this "Meh" stuff, y'hear! Yes sir, no sir, thank you very much sir... <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/Talking Ear Off.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':Talking:' />



More coffee?

OK, yours <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/Cuppa.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':Cuppa:' /> an' mine <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/Cuppa.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':Cuppa:' /> Am shooting one down as we speak. <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/Cuppa.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':Cuppa:' /> Thanks

[MaggieMoo]

If a blonde and a brunette jump off a building at the same time who hits the ground first........

the brunette because the blonde had to stop and ask for directions.

See Mooie you may be just smarter than a blonde! Not likely... I'm just a blonde with very good hair dye. Hahaha

[MaggieMoo]

Hahaha... Yes sir... Darn it, just checked the mirror. Nope am definitely a brunette. <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/sad.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt='' /> No fun for me. <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/sad.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt='' />

[MaggieMoo]

Two blondes walk into a building....

.....You'd of thought one of them would of seen it



This lesson was learned by Miss Greedy

Who wore her shoplifted bikini.

She heard a loud pop,

and off came her top

And had nothing on in betweenie!



Patient: Doctor, I was cleaning my glass eye and accidentally swallowed it.

Doctor: OK. Lean over and spread your legs.

Patient: (Leans over and spreads his legs).

Doctor: My God! This is the first time, in all my years of practice, that I've ever seen an assh*** looking back at me! Gosh Peter these are crazy... I love them, but they are crazy. hahaha



<img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/officechair.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':officechair:' /> <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/officechair.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':officechair:' /> <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/officechair.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':officechair:' />