02-11-2009, 10:05 PM
[color="#008080"]Worried because they hadn't heard anything for days from the widow in the neighbouring apartment, Mrs. Silver said to her son, "Timmy, would you go next door and see how old Mrs. Kirkland is?"
A few minutes later, Timmy returned.
"Well," asked Mrs. Silver, "is she all right?"
"She's fine, except that she's mad at you."
"At me?" the woman exclaimed. "Whatever for?"
"She said it's none of your business how old she is."[/color]
[color="#9932CC"]A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to his engagement that when he arrived and sat down at the head table, he suddenly realised that he had forgotten his false teeth. Turning to the man next to him, he said, "I forgot my teeth."
The man said, "No problem."
With that, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of false teeth. "Try these," he said.
The speaker tried them. "Too loose," he said.
The man then said, "I have another pair... try these."
The speaker tried them and responded, "Too tight."
The man was not taken back at all. He then said, "I have one more pair of false teeth... try them."
The speaker said, "They fit perfectly."
With that he ate his meal and gave his address. After the dinner meeting was over, the speaker went over to thank the man who had helped him.
"I want to thank you for coming to my aid. Where is your office? I've been looking for a good dentist."
The man replied, "Oh, I'm not a dentist. I'm the local undertaker."
[/color]
[color="#FF0000"]During one of the tensest moments of a murder movie, an elderly gentleman groped for something on the theatre floor. He was greatly disturbing the lady in the next seat, to the point where she finally inquired testily, "What have you lost?"
"A caramel," said the man.
"You're going to all this bother for a measly caramel?" she asked.
"Yes," was the reply. "My teeth are in it."[/color]
[color="#8B0000"]An old man was relaxing at his hundredth birthday party when a reporter went up to him. "Sir, what is the secret of your long life?"
The man considered this for a moment, then replied, "Every day at 9 PM I have a glass of port. Good for the heart I've heard."
The reporter replied, "That's ALL?"
The man smiled, "That, and cancelling my voyage on Titanic."
[/color]
A few minutes later, Timmy returned.
"Well," asked Mrs. Silver, "is she all right?"
"She's fine, except that she's mad at you."
"At me?" the woman exclaimed. "Whatever for?"
"She said it's none of your business how old she is."[/color]
[color="#9932CC"]A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to his engagement that when he arrived and sat down at the head table, he suddenly realised that he had forgotten his false teeth. Turning to the man next to him, he said, "I forgot my teeth."
The man said, "No problem."
With that, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of false teeth. "Try these," he said.
The speaker tried them. "Too loose," he said.
The man then said, "I have another pair... try these."
The speaker tried them and responded, "Too tight."
The man was not taken back at all. He then said, "I have one more pair of false teeth... try them."
The speaker said, "They fit perfectly."
With that he ate his meal and gave his address. After the dinner meeting was over, the speaker went over to thank the man who had helped him.
"I want to thank you for coming to my aid. Where is your office? I've been looking for a good dentist."
The man replied, "Oh, I'm not a dentist. I'm the local undertaker."
[/color]
[color="#FF0000"]During one of the tensest moments of a murder movie, an elderly gentleman groped for something on the theatre floor. He was greatly disturbing the lady in the next seat, to the point where she finally inquired testily, "What have you lost?"
"A caramel," said the man.
"You're going to all this bother for a measly caramel?" she asked.
"Yes," was the reply. "My teeth are in it."[/color]
[color="#8B0000"]An old man was relaxing at his hundredth birthday party when a reporter went up to him. "Sir, what is the secret of your long life?"
The man considered this for a moment, then replied, "Every day at 9 PM I have a glass of port. Good for the heart I've heard."
The reporter replied, "That's ALL?"
The man smiled, "That, and cancelling my voyage on Titanic."
[/color]