Granted. You get discovered in the shower <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/ohmy.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':laugh:' /> <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/th_thblob_duck.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt='' /> <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/ohmy.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':o' /> <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/ohmy.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':o' /> <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/th_thdiiv46x.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':laugh:' /> while you are in there singing and a talent scout is walking by. He becomes your manager and finds you a song to debut. You assume that he has written the song himself, or that he has the rights to produce the song. It goes like this:
Tiger Cub, Tiger Cub, La La La
Tiger Cub, Tiger Cub, La La La
ooooooooh ooooooh Tiger Cub
You struggle to see the relevance but don't want to question the man because he is the man and you are stoked to be making your first single.
The song is released, but the public also fails to see the relevance, and your debut is a flop.
There is also an uproar from the tiger community because the song has been stolen from their beloved Bozo, and they start plans to sue the pants of you and your manager. Thus, you begin the story with no pants, and end the story with no pants! <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/happy.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':laugh:' /> <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/kosa.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':wub:' /> <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/wow.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':laugh:' />
22-04-2009, 07:15 PM (This post was last modified: 22-04-2009, 07:16 PM by glen.)
Granted. You spend a weekend at a short course on cooking and suddenly you develop super cooking powers. Much like the charachters on the TV show "heroes". You have a power! Your power is the ability to take only 1 or 2 ingredients and create an amazing meal. Sometimes you could create a 5 course meal out of only 1 or 2 ingreditents. As you refine your skills you become more and more daring. You decide to set out to create over 1000 dishes with the humble potato. You manage to achieve your goal but it comes at a great cost. After only eating potatos and nothing else for over a month you start to develop vitamin and mineral deficiencies. You end up in hospital where you luckily are brought back to good health. But after that terrible experience, you find that you cannot stand the sight of potatoes ever again.
I wish I could do a round house kick <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt='' />
Granted. You practice and you master the round house kick, but only on one leg. The problem with this is that you develop unbalanced flexibility and strength, and you start to walk funny. One step is really long and bendy, and the other step is highly accelerated. You look silly walking down the street so you start to drive everywhere. Then you get a vitamin D deficiency and you end up in hospital, next to this girl that only eats potatoes. She's pretty cool but then she gets better and leaves and you are really really bored and lonely. Eventually, you get better and your skin regains colour, but you have developed a fear of abandonment because the potato girl left without saying good bye.
I wish I could booty shake like the women in hip hop music videos.
Granted. You participate in an online webinar on how to shake your booty and become an expert. You release your first video on youtube to judge audience reaction and you are an instant hit! You become an internet star and even do an interview on the Orpah Winfrey Show. However Oprah had a terrible unknown illness which you end up catching. The symptoms of the illness are that you talk very loudly, you develop a propensity to give people cars and other free items (even though you cannot really afford it) and you end up broke and despondent. It is only after 5 years of treatment you finally are cured and return to normality. The cure was quite a surprise. You just needed to eat a 3 cheeseburgers a day for one week <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':wub:' />
I wish that I invented the plane. <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':laugh:' />
Granted. You did not have to go to work because you were sacked due to the global recession. You now spend your days moping around the house and avoiding house hold chores <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt='' />
Granted. You knit yourself a woolen scarf, and then a jumper, and you begin to work your way through some socks. You become addicted to it, and keep the knitting needles beside you at all times. You knit and knit and knit all day, and all night. The pile of woolen garments grows, and grows. You house begins to fill up. So much so, that the scent of wool attracts a plague of silverfish. They come marching two by two, and invade your home. You scatter naphthalene flakes all around to protect your creations, and the smell is overpowering. You neighbors begin to complain. You have to get rid of the flakes, thus allowing the silverfish to eat their way through your knitting. You are back to where you started. You continue to knit, using acrylic knitting yarn, but it's never the same.
Granted. The Government decides that winter is getting too many people down and depressed so they officially rename winter to "summer". And they rename summer to "what a ripper". So now we have no more winter. How good is that!?! There was one small flaw in this most cunning of plans. Summer is still really cold and everyone starts hating summer. The Government then decides to explore opportunities for enhancing global warming as that seems to offer the best chance of summar all year round! <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt='' />
I wish I was Jackie Chan's kung fu sidekick <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt='' />
Granted. You are a great sidekick, but he is an ego maniac and makes you wear a terrible uniform. Like this: [url="http://www.elainescheergear.com/showprod.asp?pid=941"]sidekick uniform[/url] It's no good, so you quit, but he won't give you a reference. The best job you can get is as a side kick for this guy: [url="http://www.alexhughescartoons.co.uk/Home/uploaded_images/SuperHero-791503.png"]burgerman[/url], the job is fun and cruizy, but you develop a weight problem.
Granted. You get 10 fairies to help with the sewing. Though they are argumentative little buggers and they can never agree on what to sew. Some want to sew pants and others want to make tops. They often end up in heated arguments and it is only possible to get any work out of them if you lock 9 of them away and just let one of them do the sewing. But this only works for a short time because then they start complaining about false imprisonment and they all go on strike! You end up selling them on ebay for $5 each and then go and buy some garments ready made and give up on sewing <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt='' />
I wish I had the ability to always find the cheapest shop for any item simply by having a nap while thinking about the item i wanted to buy.
Granted. You start trying to spend your $900 stimulus money on a few things you have in mind. Your new skill requires you to nap separately for each item. First, you want to buy a new winter coat, you think about it, nap, and then head off to the nap suggested store. It's an easy navigation, the store is in a shopping centre that you know well. You move to the next item on your list, but you realize you didn't nap for this one, so you have to go home and do the napping thing first. You go home, nap, and think about the new heater you need to buy for the Winter. Upon waking, you realize that you are going back to the same shopping centre you were already at! Annoying! Off you go, get there, and buy your heater.
Item number three is an nice one, some lingerie for your girlfriend, but you haven't napped! Again, you go home, nap, and are bothered by the fact that you must head back to the same shopping centre again! Really this is more work than it's worth! On the way, it's starts to rain, and you step in a massive mud puddle, and it sprays mud all over your jeans, and even on your face! You look very untidy, but the show must go on. Anyway, you still feel good about your prices, so you go back into the shops and buy your girlfriend a very nice set. You pull off the tags because you are going to give them to her later and don't want to forget.
The last item, is a gift box set of DVDs that you have been wanting, and you decided that you are not going to go home and nap this time, it's very annoying. You decide to take a nap on a park bench outside the shopping centre. You have the lingerie with you are you hold the parcel to your chest while you snooze.
You wake up to a police officer standing over you. You can't see him fully because you have knickers on your face. There are a few women standing around looking fearful, because you look like a crazy homeless person sleeping on the bench sniffing ladies knickers. No matter how hard you try to explain, the police officer takes you in for questioning about reports of women's undies being stolen off their washing lines.
Eventually, you take a nap, and show him that he has been buying his donuts from the wrong shop, and he is grateful so he lets you off.
*No offence intended for homeless people or police officers.*
I wish I had an rich Uncle who would give me money for my business.
Granted. You have a rich uncle who gives you money for your business. You use half the money to buy a show room in a busy shopping strip. And you use the other half to employ a clothing company to make garments for you. You end up with heaps of stock, all ready for the grand opening of your store. Your store is a great success and everyone is very happy with the quality and pricing of your products. Then, to your surprise, your uncle says he wants his money back! You explain that you have spent the money and it will take a long time to recover the money...and in any case...a gift is a gift!!! Uncle gets angry at this response and demands his money back plus 25% interest. He says "pay up or else" on several occasions while shaking a fist! You are angry at this extortionist uncle and you report him to the police. He is arrested and locked away for 5 years for attempting to extort money from a family member. You are angry that he only got 5 years jail when he clearly deserved more! In any case, the store keeps going well but you never speak to your uncle again..well not until he gets out of prison.... but that is another story <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt='' />
I wish I could travel in public transport without having any contact with the public.
Granted. You are given a can of stuff that you spray over yourself and it creates a bubble of that magic window stuff. You know, the one where you can see out, but not see in. You first try it out one morning when you are off to catch a bus. You spray the stuff over you and feel about to make sure it's created the bubble. Satisfied with your enclosure, you head off towards the bus stop.
When you get to the bus stop, there are a few people there that normally you say hello to, but you keep quiet this morning, not wanting to break cover. Once on the bus, you take your seat, and watch the people around you, delighting in the fact that this morning, you don't have to deal with them. A little old lady gets on the bus, and comes your way. Usually you would get up, but there are many other seats available so you don't bother. She chooses yours however, and rebounds off your bubble and nearly falls over in the isle. This happens 3 more times throughout the trip before someone notices a bird poo floating mid air. They wise up to your force field and get a pin to burst your bubble.
The whole bus rants and raves at you for being so selfish and mean to little old ladies and you are banned from taking that route ever again.
Granted. You end up in China in a city called Cheng Du. You have a great time! Though you do manage to pull a muscle in your neck for no apparent reason but are pretty confident it will get better in a couple of days <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt='' /> Life is good.
I wish the traffic in China was not so crazy. (ps I amazed I am still alive so far as the taxi rides are nuts!)
Granted. The traffic is China is not so crazy, but the Chinese don't know how to cope with the new found order. The streets come to a halt and you can't get anywhere.
I wish you would tell me a story of your trip if you really are in China?
Granted. I had chinese acupuncture today!! I will send you a photo with all the needles in my neck tomorrow <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt='' />
' /> <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/ohmy.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':o' /> <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/ohmy.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':o' /> <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/th_thdiiv46x.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':laugh:' /> while you are in there singing and a talent scout is walking by. He becomes your manager and finds you a song to debut. You assume that he has written the song himself, or that he has the rights to produce the song. It goes like this:
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