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Boy to mother: I've decided to stop studying..
How come? asked the mother.
I heard that that someone was shot dead, because he knew too much.
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Late one night, a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a
well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs. 'Give me your money,' he demanded.
Indignant, the affluent man replied, 'You can't do this. I'm a politician!'
'In that case,' replied the robber, 'give me my money!'
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The editor of a small weekly newspaper, annoyed at legislation that had
recently been passed, ran a scathing editorial under the headline: HALF OF
OUR LEGISLATORS ARE CROOKS.
Many prominent local politicians were outraged, and tremendous pressure was exerted on him to retract the statement.
He finally succumbed to the pressure and ran an apology with the headline:
HALF OF OUR LEGISLATORS ARE NOT CROOKS.
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Little Ernie was having a problem with his homework.
âDad,â he asked, âWhat is the difference between anger and exasperation?â
âWell, son,â said his father, âIâll give you a practical demonstrationâ.
His father picked up the phone and dialled a number.
âHello,â said a voice at the other end.
âHelloâ. said Ernieâs father. âIs Melvin there?â
âThere is no one called Melvin here!â the voice replied. âWhy donât you look
up numbers before you dial them?â
âYou see?â said Ernie's father. âThat man was not at all happy with our call.
But watch this!â
He then dialled the number again, and says, âHello, is Melvin there?â
âNow look here!â the voice said angrily. âI told you there is no Melvin here!
You have got a lot of nerve calling again!â
âDid you hear that?â Ernieâs father asked. âThat was anger. Now, I will show
you what exasperation is!â
He dialled once again. And on hearing the voice at the other end, Ernieâs
father said: âHello! This is Melvin. Have there been any calls for me?â
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Little Johnny was practising the violin in the living room, while his father was trying to read. The family dog was at there too, and, on hearing the screeching sounds, began to howl. Johnnyâs father listened to the dog and the violin for as long as he could. Then he jumped up, slammed his newspaper on the floor and yelled, âFor Godâs sake, canât you play something the dog doesnât know?â
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A salesman was dismissed because he was rude to a customer. A month
later the sales manager spotted him walking about in a police uniform.
âI see youâve joined the force, Bhatnagar,â said the sales manager.
âYes, Sir. This is the job Iâve been looking for all my life. Here the customer
is always wrong.â
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Teacher : âYou missed school yesterday, didn't you?â
Pupil: âNot a bit.â
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Teacher: âEverything you do is wrong. How can you expect to get a job when you leave schoolâ.
Pupil: âWell, sir! Iâm going to be a TV weathermanâ.
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Pretty young nurse: âDoctor, every time I take this young manâs pulse it gets faster. Should I give him a sedative?â
Doctor: âNo. Just give him a blindfold.â
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Fred at last could see a way of making a fortune. He had trained his parrot, after month of hard work, to tell jokes.
At last he felt ready to cash in on all his hard work, and took the parrot down to his pub.
âThis is my incredible joke-telling parrot,â boasted Fred.
âGo on ,â jeered the pub regulars. âWeâll give you ten to one that your parrot canât tell us a joke.â
âAll right,â replied Fred. âI accept your bet.â
But try as he could, Fred was unable to make the parrot talk â let alone tell jokes.
On the way home Fred shook the bird and shouted: âWhat do you mean by keeping quiet? You made me lose a ten to one bet!â
âDonât worry!â squawked the parrot. âTomorrow youâll be able to get fifty to one.â
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âGet up,â shouted Albertâs mother. âYouâll be late for school.â
âBut I donât want to go,â protested Albert. âAll the kids are horrible, the teachers are terrible, and itâs all extremely boring. I want to stay home.â
âBut,â replied Albertâs mother, âyouâre forty-three and the headmaster of the school.â
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