Laughter The Best Medicine - Printable Version +- Melbourne Chat (http://www.melbournechat.org) +-- Forum: Melb Chat (http://www.melbournechat.org/forum-3.html) +--- Forum: Random Chat (http://www.melbournechat.org/forum-4.html) +---- Forum: Jokes / Word Games (http://www.melbournechat.org/forum-10.html) +---- Thread: Laughter The Best Medicine (/thread-2130.html)

Laughter The Best Medicine - glen - 22-07-2008 Boy to mother: I've decided to stop studying.. How come? asked the mother. I heard that that someone was shot dead, because he knew too much. Laughter The Best Medicine - glen - 22-07-2008 Late one night, a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs. 'Give me your money,' he demanded. Indignant, the affluent man replied, 'You can't do this. I'm a politician!' 'In that case,' replied the robber, 'give me my money!' Laughter The Best Medicine - glen - 22-07-2008 The editor of a small weekly newspaper, annoyed at legislation that had recently been passed, ran a scathing editorial under the headline: HALF OF OUR LEGISLATORS ARE CROOKS. Many prominent local politicians were outraged, and tremendous pressure was exerted on him to retract the statement. He finally succumbed to the pressure and ran an apology with the headline: HALF OF OUR LEGISLATORS ARE NOT CROOKS. Laughter The Best Medicine - glen - 22-07-2008 Little Ernie was having a problem with his homework. ‘Dad,’ he asked, ‘What is the difference between anger and exasperation?’ ‘Well, son,’ said his father, ‘I’ll give you a practical demonstration’. His father picked up the phone and dialled a number. ‘Hello,’ said a voice at the other end. ‘Hello’. said Ernie’s father. ‘Is Melvin there?’ ‘There is no one called Melvin here!’ the voice replied. ‘Why don’t you look up numbers before you dial them?’ ‘You see?’ said Ernie's father. ‘That man was not at all happy with our call. But watch this!’ He then dialled the number again, and says, ‘Hello, is Melvin there?’ ‘Now look here!’ the voice said angrily. ‘I told you there is no Melvin here! You have got a lot of nerve calling again!’ ‘Did you hear that?’ Ernie’s father asked. ‘That was anger. Now, I will show you what exasperation is!’ He dialled once again. And on hearing the voice at the other end, Ernie’s father said: ‘Hello! This is Melvin. Have there been any calls for me?’ Laughter The Best Medicine - glen - 22-07-2008 Little Johnny was practising the violin in the living room, while his father was trying to read. The family dog was at there too, and, on hearing the screeching sounds, began to howl. Johnny’s father listened to the dog and the violin for as long as he could. Then he jumped up, slammed his newspaper on the floor and yelled, ‘For God’s sake, can’t you play something the dog doesn’t know?’ Laughter The Best Medicine - glen - 22-07-2008 A salesman was dismissed because he was rude to a customer. A month later the sales manager spotted him walking about in a police uniform. ‘I see you’ve joined the force, Bhatnagar,’ said the sales manager. ‘Yes, Sir. This is the job I’ve been looking for all my life. Here the customer is always wrong.’ Laughter The Best Medicine - glen - 22-07-2008 Teacher : ‘You missed school yesterday, didn't you?’ Pupil: ‘Not a bit.’ Laughter The Best Medicine - glen - 22-07-2008 Teacher: ‘Everything you do is wrong. How can you expect to get a job when you leave school’. Pupil: ‘Well, sir! I’m going to be a TV weatherman’. Laughter The Best Medicine - glen - 22-07-2008 Pretty young nurse: ‘Doctor, every time I take this young man’s pulse it gets faster. Should I give him a sedative?’ Doctor: ‘No. Just give him a blindfold.’ Laughter The Best Medicine - glen - 22-07-2008 Fred at last could see a way of making a fortune. He had trained his parrot, after month of hard work, to tell jokes. At last he felt ready to cash in on all his hard work, and took the parrot down to his pub. ‘This is my incredible joke-telling parrot,’ boasted Fred. ‘Go on ,’ jeered the pub regulars. ‘We’ll give you ten to one that your parrot can’t tell us a joke.’ ‘All right,’ replied Fred. ‘I accept your bet.’ But try as he could, Fred was unable to make the parrot talk ‘ let alone tell jokes. On the way home Fred shook the bird and shouted: ‘What do you mean by keeping quiet? You made me lose a ten to one bet!’ ‘Don’t worry!’ squawked the parrot. ‘Tomorrow you’ll be able to get fifty to one.’ Laughter The Best Medicine - glen - 22-07-2008 ‘Get up,’ shouted Albert’s mother. ‘You’ll be late for school.’ ‘But I don’t want to go,’ protested Albert. ‘All the kids are horrible, the teachers are terrible, and it’s all extremely boring. I want to stay home.’ ‘But,’ replied Albert’s mother, ‘you’re forty-three and the headmaster of the school.’