[PeterJMelb]

Oh, I hope these have not been on the thread before.

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a "handyman" and started canvassing in a wealthy Melbourne suburb of Toorak.
She went to the front door of the first house and pressed the doorbell and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch," he said. "How much will you charge?" The blonde thought for few seconds and said "How about $100 ?" The man agreed and told her to give him a hand to bring from the Garage, a 20 litre glossy yellow paint, some paint brushes, roller paint brush, plastic tray, a rag and some turpentine for cleanup. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realise that the porch goes all the way round the house?" The man replied, "Of course she does and just imagine the two quotes were $200 and the other $250. and it is a bargain at her price. The owners had a lunch appointment, about a 5-minute walk from the home and as they left told the blond lady that when she has finished to pick up her cash from the housemaid. About 2 hours later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" the housemaid asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." The maid had no idea what type of painting job the blond lady was supposed to do, so she gave the $100 to her. "And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

HOW TO TELL THE 5SEX OF A FLY
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.
"What are you doing?" She asked.
"Hunting Flies" He responded.
"Oh. Killing any?" She asked.
"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.
Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell?"
He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."

[glen]

nice one!!!