A man sitting at a bar at Sydney International Airport noticed a really
beautiful woman sitting next to him.
He thought to himself: "Wow, she's so gorgeous she must be an off duty
flight attendant. But which airline does she work for?"
Hoping to pick her up, he leaned towards her and uttered the Delta slogan:
"Love to fly and it shows?"
She gave him a blank, confused stare and he immediately thought to himself:
"####, she doesn't work for Delta."
A moment later, another slogan popped into his head. He leaned towards her again,
"Something special in the air?"
She gave him the same confused look.
He mentally kicked himself, and scratched Singapore Airlines off the list.
Next he tried the Thai Airways slogan:
"Smooth as Silk."
This time the woman turned on him, "What the f**k do you want?"
The man smiled, then slumped back in his chair, and said "Ahhhhh,
Jetstar..!"
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hahaha nice one!!!! i flew with tiger airways recently and they were EVEN WORSE!!!!! never again!
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Really? I only heard they're cheap as chips, but nothing else??
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you should see the tiger airways terminal in melbourne! it is like a pigeon coop!!!
and don't try ringing them as their phones don't ever seem to work (or you just get cut off).
and the baggage allowances are very low! 15kg. You have to pay heaps for extra baggage. And oversize luggage also has extra charges.
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What will we call Bob the Builder when he retires?
wait for it
Bob. :lol: <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/blink.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt='  ' /> <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/dry.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt='B)' />
I'm just chillaxin'
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01-07-2008, 10:23 PM
(This post was last modified: 01-07-2008, 10:23 PM by glen.)
hahahaha. i like it!!! :lol: :lol: :lol:
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A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
I'm just chillaxin'
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<img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/tongue.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':fishie:' />
Half his luck.... <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/wink.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt='  ' />
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What's brown and sticky? A stick
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What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
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Remember, you should always give 100% at work...
12% Monday; 23% Tuesday; 40% Wednesday; 20% Thursday; 5% Friday
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03-07-2008, 11:09 PM
(This post was last modified: 03-07-2008, 11:10 PM by POWERZONE.)
Two blondes meet on either side of a river.....
One calls out "How do you get to the other side?"
Other one says "You are on the other side!"
:lol:
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A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
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COMMON TOOLS DEFINED
DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted vertical stabilser which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.
WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, "Oh ####..."
ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age.
SKILL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.
PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.
BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.
HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.
VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
WELDING GLOVES: Heavy duty leather gloves used to prolong the conduction of intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race.
TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.
HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.
EIGHT-FOOT LONG YELLOW PINE 2X4: Used for levering an automobile upward off of a trapped hydraulic jack handle.
E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool ten times harder than any known drill bit that snaps neatly off in bolt holes thereby ending any possible future use.
BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminium sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.
TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.
CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 24-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A very large pry bar that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end opposite the handle.
AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw.
PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.
STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws.
PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.
HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.
HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.
MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines , refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.
DAMMIT TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling 'DAMMIT!' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.
I'm just chillaxin'
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I was at an Atm this morning when an old lady came up to me and asked to
check her balance.
So I pushed her over. <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/sports.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=' ' />
Paul
I'm just chillaxin'
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hehe, not the first time ay? <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/pacman.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=' ' />
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hahaha i like it!!!!
i had a good email joke today.
the title said "Truck tips on the F3"
And then there is a photo of a small toy truck that is lying on its side on a computer keyboard ......near the F3 button <img src='http://www.melbournechat.org/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/tongue.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=' ' />
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i found it!! the caption actually read "Breaking news: truck roll over on the F3"
truck_rollover.jpg (Size: 43.19 KB / Downloads: 127)
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FIVE MOSTLY POINTLESS RIDDLES
These questions are designed to see if you're really thinking. It sharpens your brain and makes you think maybe that extra beer last weekend really wasn't such a good idea...
1. A murderer is condemned to death. He has to choose between three rooms. The first is full of raging fires, the second is full of assassins with loaded guns, and the third is full of lions that haven't eaten in 3 years. Which room is safest for him?
2. A woman shoots her husband. Then she holds him under water for over 5 minutes. Finally, she hangs him. But 5 minutes later they both go out together and enjoy a wonderful dinner together. How can this be?
3. What is black when you buy it, red when you use it, and gray when you throw it away?
4. Can you name three consecutive days without using the words Wednesday, Friday, or Sunday?
5. This is an unusual paragraph. I'm curious as to just how quickly you can find out what is so unusual about it. It looks so ordinary and plain that you would think nothing was wrong with it. In fact, nothing is wrong with it! It is highly unusual though. Study it and think about it, but you still may not find anything odd. But if you work at it a bit, you might find out. Try to do so without any coaching!
The answers to all five the riddles are below:
1. The third room. Lions that haven't eaten in three years are dead. That one was easy, right?
2. The woman was a photographer. She shot a picture of her husband, developed it, and hung it up to dry (shot; held under water; and hung).
3. Charcoal, as it is used in barbecuing.
4. Sure you can name three consecutive days, yesterday, today, and tomorrow!
5. The letter E, which is the most common letter used in the English language, does not appear even once in the paragraph
I'm just chillaxin'
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